Oh, Casa Bonita. Where do I even begin?
I started hearing about Casa Bonita pretty much as soon as I moved to Denver. Maybe even before. What did I hear? "You have to go!" "Worst Mexican food. Ever." "They have cliff divers!" "It's a Denver must-see." and so on...
Well, of course I had to see for myself. I added it to my Denver To Do List last March and then completely forgot about it. Well, thanks to Sarah's visit I was able to go. Emily and Greg had never been either (shame on them, since they have lived in Colorado for almost four years!) so off we went.
First of all. It's in a strip mall, yet it looks like this:
And that is just the outside. When's the last time you pulled into a semi-sketchy strip mall and confronted a monstrous bell tower? It's a nice shade of salmon pink, if you can't tell from the picture. With gold lettering. Very well lit. You can't miss it.
Anyway, you walk in and it's a lot like you're walking into the Mexican part of Epcot at Disney World. Then you order your food. You have to purchase food in order to get in (although, you don't have to eat it...). Tricky, very tricky. The food is way overpriced. Especially since it's mediocre at best. You get in a cafeteria line to pick up your food. Then you're escorted into the main dining area. This is where the real fun begins. If you thought it was crazy before, just wait. There is a 30 foot waterfall in the middle of the room, a strolling mariachi band, fake palm trees decorated with green lights....oh, there is just too much to describe here.
The pictures don't do it justice...
Then you get seated, even though you ask for a table near the waterfall, you get put in a corner without much of a view. How are you supposed to watch the cliff divers if you can't even see the waterfall? Now it's time to tuck into that delicious food you ordered. If you like low quality meat, if it is even meat, you should have ordered the endless plate of enchiladas or what not. Thankfully, I did not. We all were wise enough to order a taco salad which was mediocre, but
not vomit-inducing.
Did I mention the endless chips & salsa (& queso)? And endless sopapillas (aka fried dough that you smother in honey)! Delicious. It might be wise to skip the main course and focus on these more edible options.
Throughout your meal there will be a variety of shows/performances going on. Cliff divers! Puppet shows! Pirates! Oh my! Have no fear, the shows continue until 10 pm. You won't be able to avoid seeing them, even if you have a bad table (aka the table next to the room that looks like a quinceñara party exploded inside it's four walls).
After dinner you should get up and explore. Take a look in Black Bart's cave. Visit the gift shop, replete with useless junk that you in no way want or need, but may be tempted to buy nonetheless.
Like this blogger so nicely put it: Casa Bonita is like the bastard child of Disney World and Tijuana. Too true. The mariachi band was playing 'It's a Small World' on our way out...
The highlights of the night:
- Emily and I were chased by a gorilla into the women's bathroom.
- Greg was entertained by a puppet show.
- We did a "test your love" meter. Greg got 'hot stuff,' Emily was 'naughty but nice,' I was 'clammy,' and Sarah got 'poor fish, try again' (what does that even mean).
- We explored Black Bart's Cave.
- Sarah was frightened by the same gorilla as he ran past us in a cave.
- The evening inspired Sarah to sing in a Spanish accent about everything that was going on around us.
Apparently there is a South Park episode about Casa Bonita. I haven't seen it, but I probably should.
Have you ever been to Casa Bonita? What did you think? I had a really good time, but I'm still trying to process the experience.
